#23: Under Oath
“In my head, I’m screaming,” Davis tells me, “Screaming until my eyes well up.” Those are the emotions that an officer does not express. Ideally, does not even feel. She tells me it is better to be cold and apathetic than angry and distraught. “If I allow myself to feel,” she says, “then I can’t do my job.” So Davis yells. She snaps. She sneers. But she does not scream.
And that’s when I heard it.
I sat on the hood with my silhouette in the headlights, and I listened to the song develop its seductive strings and penetrative synthesizers, luring me into a cold sweat and shaking me in euphoria.