Sun God: I am the Sun God.
M: Place of birth?
SG: The sun.
M: We’re very happy to get this interview with you. We’re so happy we didn’t even mind your one stipulation that you get to wear your mask the entire time. In exchange, though, we wanted you to at least take our questions seriously. But it seems like the mask is going to be an issue if you’re going to keep this up.
SG: What mask are you referring to? This is my face.
M: I am referring to the gold n’ white Venetian mask with like 12 spikes jutting out from it in every direction that you are wearing and that is definitely not your face.
M: Tape recorder is going. This is all on the record. The interview could end here.
M: You could take off the cape too.
M: OK. How long have you been wearing that morph suit for today?
SG: Like 8 hours… it looks ridiculous without the mask and cape.
M: In what ways do you think the mask and the cape make it look less ridiculous?
SG: Come on man, I did what you asked.
M: You’re right, sorry. That was unprofessional.
SG: It was.
M: I’m sorry.
SG: Can we just move on?
M: OK. Favorite book, movie, song?
SG: 1000 Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and a tie between “Here Comes the Sun” by the Beatles and “Symphony of Destruction” off Megadeth’s 1992 masterpiece Countdown to Extinction.
M: I thought we were taking this seriously.
SG: Move on.
M: Why haven’t you been around as much lately?
SG: I’m working as a consultant. I still visit a good amount. You can probably tell when I’m around again, but I don’t think Dartmouth knows me as well anymore.
M: What do you mean?
SG: I read comments on Yik Yak. I don’t like them. I think a lot of the time all people see is a car with two American flags sticking out of the hood, blasting the audio from Scarface, and me driving behind impeccably polished aviator sunglasses, confidently gripping the wheel with hands clothed in Raider© black fingerless leather gloves and forget that I can hurt. I’m more than just Raider© black fingerless gloves. I’m actually an awfully sensitive guy. And I’m doing this all for a good reason.
M: For what reason?
SG: That there’s nothing like the hum and feel of a 2001 Toyota Camry cruising at 5 miles per hour. That seeing the Green from every conceivable angle over and over and over again never gets old. For Love.
SG: Yeah. It’s why I got into this to begin with. Have you done any research?
SG: The plan was to explore the concept of love through creative expression.
M: By driving around in a 2001 Toyota Camry in a track suit?
Possible takeaways include:
a) The deep, indelible link between the Sun God and all of humanity.
b) There’s a Sun God in all of us, isn’t there?
c) The day is least sunny just before the night.