Highly Disconnected, Very Abstruse

This is my medium-term plan:
I will communicate something to you
that I have trouble communicating to myself.

Why the medium is my medium:
long term and short term
carry terrifying clarity
but this message is as undefined
as I have always been
          to you,
         to me,
and me
         to myself.

I'm thinking watercolors.

We used to spend shaded days together.
They had the warm, faded, comfortable color
of the couches in the library lobby.

They replaced the furniture this fall.

I will take the time to explain
with soft color and quiet voice
that we should spend more time together        

This is a reasonable goal.
This does not reach a meaningful conclusion.

I am still full of useless abstractions.
I am nothing if not
         perfectly medium.

This used to be unclear and beautiful,
now it’s just unclear.

I want to wander those nameless galleries with you again. 
I want to see absurd promises in the paintings.